Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Shadows of the Past

It always amazes me how how much things change, and not always for the better. I used to be pretty passionate about telling stories. I'm not the best writer but my heart was always in it. That was a year ago.

It has been a difficult few years with many personal challenges and, as a result, my passion has waned. I just couldn't keep my head in the game and no amount of inspirational quotes or motivational videos was changing that.

Recently, I was puttering around with my laptop and decided to do a little maintenance on my email inbox. I knew I had a lot of old emails but I never expected to find over 2000 from as far back as 2011. Now most folks would just delete all of them and call it a day. Not me.

I painstakingly went through each and every one of those old emails. What I found was astounding. Mixed in with the normal spam were emails pertaining to failed projects and unreliable people. What I wrote in those emails read like it was written by a stranger. This guy, ignorant of upcoming events and shortcomings, was genuinely passionate.

This "Manny" was driven and happy creating stories. You couldn't help but feel for this guy as he and his friends traveled the road to their dreams. It was not to be.

After going through those emails I was filled with anger and sadness. It all seemed like a waste of time and effort, with only a single, independent, micro-published, 8-page digital comic book story to show for all my hard work. That realization shook me up.

Most of my friends suggested I delete all the emails and "move on". I'm not going to delete them. They're not only a reminder of what NOT to do but also that, ultimately, its all my fault. I should have done things differently.

I'm more determined than ever to continue my dream of telling stories, that I think others will enjoy. I'm reading more novels than I ever have before, even absorbing the best aspects of the terrible ones. I'm writing more, whenever I can, on my laptop, note pad, smart phone, etc.

I'm not psychic and I can't tell you what the future brings but I've got my fingers crossed.

Let's try this again.

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